I am vengeance, I am the night... I am not Batman... Sadness.

I have always wanted to sit down and take the time to describe myself for people who don't know me very well, as well as the people who know me but don't really know as much about me as they think.

So, here it is, me... and all the little random facts that go along with me.

My name is Bryce Sealock but I illegally changed it to Bryce "Fetus" Jenkins in the ninth grade because I like the name Jenkins and I find fetuses incredibly interesting.

My favorite color is Army Green, you know the one that kind of looks like a bad shit, yeah, that one.

My favorite number is 6, even though I sometimes want to go to the typical teen goth answer of 13.

I have a big affinity for Teen Dramas which started when I used to watch Degrassi High School on PBS as a child.

If I could be an animal I would be an armadillo, because they look like battle ready puppy dogs in a way.

I love most creepy crawlies, such as roaches and snakes, but I have a deathly fear of bees. I used to very afraid of snakes but that all changed when the school janitor brought his snake into our class in the fourth grade.

If I could spend my life anywhere it would be on the island nation of Malta, because that place reminds me more of postcards than any other place on Earth.

Many people know this one, but anyways, I have a deathly phobia of mentally handicapped people, which dates back to when I was in third grade and one grabbed me while I was walking to the gym. Ever since then I can't be near one without having to stop, hyperventilate and cry.

My favorite book and movie have always been the same since I can remember, Requiem for a Dream. Which is depressing.

In the third grade I played the role of a reporter in a school play about baseball. The only other thing I remember is the lyrics to one of the songs which I think is called Peanuts and Popcorn.

My favorite foods and beverages are as follows: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Microwave Burritos, Pepsi, Thunderbird, and Pizza. Mainly typical teenage stuff.

I have been smoking since I was twelve. My favorite brand of cigarettes is Pall Mall which also happened to be the favorite of Kurt Vonnegut.

My favorite word in the entire English language is Eldritch.

Every time I get my picture taken I either have to be wearing sunglasses or making a weird face, because for the most part I hate having my picture taken. It really makes me mad when people snap a photo without asking.

I have had three people that I have considered my best friends in the world at one time or another: One now lives in Arizona and I haven't seen him since the seventh grade, one was when I lived in Germany because she had a sweet videogame collection, and my current best friend in the world has been my friend for almost eight years now... and she's a dirty freaking pervert... she knows she is.

I have a bad habit of falling for male friends that I think are really cool and might have a possibility of being gay or at least bi... this has landed me in some bad relationships over the years and I don't recommend it unless you know for a fact that it won't ruin your friendship.

I love to bee in the water, even though I can't swim... the feeling of it is amazingly refreshing, and I love how weightless I feel as I sink to the bottom.

If I could meet anyone who has died it would be Charles Bukowski, because his words always have amazed me. As for anyone alive, I think it would be Michael Cera, because I could see us being friends.

I am really a gigantic nerd at heart. I love videogames, anime and comic books. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of Batman and can name every single Kamen Rider in chronological order and also in the order of longest running to shortest... which I find cool.

My favorite type of movies are usually Japanese with over the top violence, bad make up effects, and hilariously bad story lines. I also am a fan of extreme horror movies, and lifetime films because they are so anti-men.

The first video game I remember playing was Street Fighter II.

In the tenth grade I got a Hindu marriage to my friend Cat.

I don't mind words like fag, this is mainly because my mouth is like a sewer... except with words instead of... turds.

My goal is to go on a road trip before college, to explore the country and hopefully get to know more about places that I can see myself living in the future.

I never want to have a house, I would prefer a loft.

I like art work by people I know more than any other.

I am devoted to my friends, but I try to pretend to be nonchalant and nihilistic so they don't know.

I still play every Pokemon game that comes out.

I'm going to miss all the people I know when I go off to college, the three o'clock in the morning walks with Molly, the late night philosophical and spiritual talks with Robbie, the vandalism with John, the geek sessions with Kirsten, the McDonald's days with Kelsey, the afternoon smoke break with Jenna, the video game talks with Joseph, the bitch sessions with Courtney, the chat sessions with Cat... All of them...

I Hope You Fucking Choke

So, today has been a rather annoying day.

I slept till five and ate pizza in the afternoon which was pretty cool.

But because of my headphones not working I was forced to listen to a conversation between my sister and someone I personally wish would have his mouth sewn shut and have his eyes jabbed out with hypodermic needles...

Now there's nothing on TV, I have no cigarettes, and I can't work up the commitment to read a book.

I won't be able to sleep until like eight in the morning... this night is going to be terrible... I want to whine about it.

Sometimes I just like to bitch about nothing... It just gives me a little joy when I haven't bitched in a while to just freak out about nothing.

Old Dreams

Watching the new Degrassi this morning got me to thinking, I've missed so many of my plans in life.

When I was in the beginnings of high school my best friend and I had this brilliant plan that we were going to move in together in a small apartment. Well, we did, but it wasn't exactly how I imagined it being in those days, in fact, it wasn't at all how I imagined it in those days.

In my imagination we lived in a nice, cozy, two bedroom, second floor apartment. We would eat breakfast in the morning before we both went off to our current day of classes; her music and drama, and my philosophy and art. After morning classes we'd meet up at a small cafe in the middle of downtown in what ever small city we lived in for some coffee and a bagel before heading off to the rest of our classes. Of course, after those we'd go to our little jobs, mine being in a bookstore. Then, at night, after a solid workload of classes and jobs, we'd sit down in at our living room table for homework, and talk endlessly about how our classes are going, the stress of the coming exams being mixed in with the stress of work, and other assorted details, before we went off to our rooms for sleep to start the day again.

In my head our apartment was always decorated to suit my tastes (after all it is my mind). In the living room was a nice comfortable couch and loveseat set in a nice plaid, flannel pattern (I love plaid... don't ask) with a medium sized wooden coffee table in the middle to tie the pieces together. There was a rug on the floor because we had hardwood floors so we had to protect them and there was a small cabinet upon which set a modest television.

The kitchen was filled with appliances, half we didn't know the use for, and there were a ton of coffee mugs because I love my coffee. The bedrooms were both very different yet both contained a desk on which sat our little nick-nacks, photos, and also our loptops, there were also full sized beds, dressers, a cabinet for a television to sit on, and a nightstand for our clocks so we can wake up on time.

I know this is all terrible heartwarming crap that could make you throw up, but that's always how I imagined it.

But none of that came true, in fact, I don't think any of my plans to move in with someone have ever worked out. I haven't even been able to move in with my Hindu wife.

I hope my plans do come true someday, hopefully with someone I love, and hopefully by then I have a man in my life that's not going to disappear.

Vintage Trash

At the current time it is literally the middle of the middle of the night. (Yes, I meant to have the two middles.)

My day full of non-adventure is slowly winding down. A full day of nothing but television and naps... isn't it delightful.

I found out that TNA is going to be in Lawton while I'm down there next month so I hope I can go and enjoy some sweet wrestling action, and get to see Christian Cage, my current man crush.

Even though I'm enjoying my stay here, I really can't wait to get back to Oklahoma and spend some time with the people I know and love... and hopefully find that some of the people I can't stand are gone.

Anyways, I'm now watching one of the trashiest, most exploitative Shaw Brothers films ever, Crippled Masters.
It's a great movie if you're a fan of kung-fu or trash cinema.

I want to date John Waters.

Gods and Monsters... are Dead.

This weekend has pretty much been one of the best of my life.

On Thursday, I went to Marty Holcomb's shop to check out some of his stuff. Saw some beautiful paintings and some awesome work that he had done on other people, but we decided to give it two weeks until I get my work put on.

I spent Friday seeing the new Batman movie, which was amazing. I also went to this really cool movie store that sold all these great movies for four dollars. I think I'll go back and pick up some films for my personal enjoyment.

Then there was yesterday, a day at the amusement park. My family and I went to King's Island and spent the day riding rides, fearing rides, paying too much for water and sunblock. I also got to go swimming, even though I can't swim... which doesn't make sense.

Resonate

I feel perfect right now.
Like I'm floating completely weightless.
Like I've stepped out of time completely.

I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat. I'm tired, but I don't need to sleep. I just feel like I don't really need anything.

For the first time, since I was very young, I feel normal in my own skin. It's like I'm meant to be the way I am right now forever. Just kind of suspended in a moment of time.

There's this daydream I have sometimes, when I'm sitting in the back of a car, on a long trip to where ever I am going. In the dream I just step out of the car, and when I do that I'm out of time, space, everything just... stops and it's just me there and everything else is insubstantial and intangible. That's really how I feel right now, like nothing in the world can affect me.

It's weird, because, even though I'm typing this right now, I don't really feel the keys under my fingers, or like I'm sitting in this chair, or like I'm even moving at all.

It's an odd yet calming feeling to have, to just be you and nothing else, if just for a few moments.

I miss everyone, I love everyone.

Horrors of the Deep

I just got through with a pretty one sided conversation about vaginas. One sided because it was mainly her talking about what vaginas do and me going eww, and other such synonyms.

She told me about discharge. Which is gross.
I also learned about mucus.
And other disgustingly sick things about those.

From my learning I have found that I'm more anti-vag than I ever was.

I personally think vaginas are really gross looking, smelling, they also offend my other senses.
They resemble cephalopods to me. Like Cthulhu's mouth.

They are obscene creatures of a beastial nature and I will not have them outside of there casings in my house. So, creatures of the female persuasion, don't bring those things anywhere near me, unless you hope that they will be thoroughly corked and band-aided.

Basically, this is what they look like:


















That's all I have to say.

Phantoms of Poets Thought Lost

Here's something some of my old friends will remember quite well, my shitty attempts at poetry. These are all the way back from tenth grade, when I was into death, scatology, and religious imagery. This shows my evolution from depressed Gothic poet, to depressed, alcoholic misogynist.

Sacrifice for Sacrifice

Massacre for Massacre
Sleeping in gutters,
Dig your face into the dirt
as we hide our heads in shame
from the Portrait of Ruin we paint with
Blood... Spit... and Shit
Come to end, oh, father War
So my may abandon our fortresses

Jihad, Our Messiah

Jihad! Jihad!
Begging pride for our life
Respect through violence
Jihad, Jihad!
Do you know the price for calling my name?
The bodies I will feast on
Fluids I will drink
Denying the children of the love they crave
Jihad, Jihad!
Birth of Famine
Our Faiths create you for they cannot coexist in this sphere
When one is left will you stay
Even when we beg?
Jihad! Jihad!

The Lord and The Lost

The Bride of Christ has cursed us
With the blight of promiscuity
In mind we are still golden eagles
In body we are crows
There is no room for God in the Kingdom of the Lost
As there is no room for us in the House of the Lord
Children of the Descent
Make your pulse felt under the cloth of damnation
Burn your lungs on the force of blasphemy
Lord, we've lost you.- Bryce "Fetus" Jenkins

Many Happy Returns

For one of the few times in my life I'm going to not be a selfish bastard and talk about someone else.

Here's why I am doing this, it's a once in a lifetime thing though, my mom is getting married.
Her boyfriend proposed to her a little bit ago and she said yes.

I'm happy for both of them. She's, after all, one of the greatest women I've ever met; strong, smart, independent; and he's a really good, stand-up guy. I'm glad that those two found each other.

(I have to finish this before the bile rising in my stomach begins to spurt from my nose and throat in torrents.)

Congratulations you two crazy kids, and many happy returns.

(I hope I don't have to do this again for a while. No one else is allowed to propose to anyone for a while.)

Compiled Fragments of the Day

It's 8:00 on the morning of July 7th, 2008. I have just done something that I haven't done in months... I slept... and even more impressive, I slept at night.

Before my sleep I had a nice day. I know impressive, those never happen.

I did some sitting around for a while, had a little barbecue with my dad and his girlfriend, my sister, and my grandma and grandpa. Not normally my type of activity, but it was pretty fun, and a nice time, with background music by Envy.

Then I went to the mall, got me some new plugs so I can begin another period of stretching these lobes out.

I got back at around six and hung out with my grandma and grandpa, and talked about dick tattoos.
The old man had me literally choking from laughter, telling me to tattoo I love you on the head of my dick so that when someone goes down there they'll treat it extra special. I love that old man and his crazy, grizzled, one-legged, emphysema ridden self.

After I left their room I ended up passing out on the couch at around seven o'clock, and slept until 5:43 A.M.

Now, I'm sitting here on this computer, writing this entry, with the beautiful sound and light of one of the greatest works of animation ever created, Akira.

In about four hours I'm going to head off to Black Hole and hang out for a while, possibly pick up Osamu Tezuka's Phoenix or some random graphic novel, maybe the Amazing Joy Buzzards vol. 2 or Becky Cloonan's East Coast Rising

(This entry contains no philosophy or teenage angst. I'm getting better.)

Fetus to Ghost, that is all there will ever be.

This page is a chronicle of one person.

His life.
His love.
His hates.
Fears.

Tales of his nights, his days, the hours in between.

The places he visits with his body and with his mind.

Things in here may be different, but always inherently the same.

This is but the story of one man.

"It is no accident that you are reading this. I am making black marks on white paper. These marks are my thoughts, and although I do not know who you are reading this now, in some way the lines of our lives have intersected... For the length of these few sentences, we meet here.

It is no accident that you are reading this. This moment has been waiting for you, I have been waiting for you. Remember me."

- Duane Michals