The Childishness of Classic Games.

Last night seems like a bad dream to me. I don't know what actually happened but there was a lot of hostility between my best friend and her boyfriend. There was a rain slicked walk with deep conversations about how terrible people are. There was also some bad old Batman movie. Then I fell asleep.

Today's been pretty good though. Woke up really late considering how early I went to bed.

I had this idea while I was outside earlier. Remember the old days when videogames were all had a childlike nature to them, games like: The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang, Kid Dracula, and the Legend of Zelda back when it was still considered the greatest game series ever. Well, I had an idea on how to possibly bring those days back, what if there was a game where you played as a small boy living staying in a small town surrounded by forest over the Summer and you played around as him as well as seeing things through his imagination. I don't really have much more ideas but I will say more when I have it finished.

I feel really sick right now.

Wax Paper and Meredith Monk

I'm insanely bored right now. I have absolutely nothing that I want to do.
I may end up going to the carnival later, but then again I'll probably just stay home and read Nietzsche in a bid to get me prepared for the class on him that's not for another year.

Since I don't really have much to say I'm just going to throw out a list of magazines that I would like everyone to read:
Vice Magazine
Up
Corduroy
Juxtapoz
Butt
Skyscraper
and Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens

Those are the magazines that I usually spend the months with, except Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens which has a hectic, strange printing schedule.

Also, read the Dream People, it's an excellent online publication... if you like Bizarro fiction.

I need to thank Cat for showing me Meredith Monk, she is amazing.

El Cielo Es Azul

Yesterday I went out with Cat to hang out for a while since we haven't seen each other in a long time. We actually went to Starbucks, a place I try to vow to never go into at least once a week but I always end up there. Cat ordered me a cappuccino and herself an americano, we had a few nice conversations, Cat learned and I remembered how to play chess, and had a debate about breastfeeding in public (which I for the record am against, and it's not a matter of breast and baby coverage level.)

We also headed over to Hastings and looked at book titles, I also picked up a bunch of magazines that I didn't get to look through because she insisted on showing me a Brazilian graffiti book before we had to leave which we couldn't find, which mad me kind of sad. After we leave we headed to the Unitarian Universalist church where she plays piano so that she could help some of the members practice there singing and this old Anglo Australian man who has a voice that I wish would read me bedtime stories made me sing with them. It was quite enjoyable, and I love that place, everytime I go there it's exciting. So I'm going there on Saturday.

After we were finished Cat dropped me off at Alex and Sharon's house so that I could have spaghetti dinner with them and the people I'm staying with, my best friend Kirsten and her boyfriend Kenne. We watched a movie called The Sickhouse which was sooo terrible it's awesome. This chick had leeches shoot out of her vagina and a guy got violently face raped by a Plague Doctors mask... sweet!

That was the end of yesterday, because after we arrived back at the house I ended up falling asleep. It was an all in all great day. Today was even better (even though it's technically yesterday because it's past twelve, but who cares.)

I woke up at around ten and went to Wal-mart (which is officially evil) so I could pick up some money my mom sent me for spending while I'm down here. Had a disgusting McDonald's burger of which I only ate half because I can't eat as much as I usually do lately. Headed to Hastings and bought two books; Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche and Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller and read the magazines which I wasn't able to read yesterday.

I came back to the house and played Castle Crashers for a few hours... It's actually a pretty awesome game for being made by Newgrounds.

Cat came and picked me up at around six to go have dinner at Hong Kong Buffet with Alex, Sharon, Natalie, and Allison. Cat's been paying for every meal I have out lately and I appreciate it sooo much, thank you Cat. We went to Starbucks again after dinner and I drank an Americano, which Cat also bought with much protest from me. There were also a ton of pictures taken of everyone and some old memories shared (like when I carried Sharon to her room when I lived with her, tucked her into bed, and read her Where the Wild Things Are.)

After Sharon and Alex left, the rest of us headed to a foam party at the college, which I thought was lame at first but turned out to be really awesome with us all drenched in foam and getting super skanky on the dance floor, which was actually the Arts Center fountain. I saw a ton of people there that I haven't seen in years, even some I've known since I was like five.

Now I'm back at the house and my pants are soaked and soapy. It's been some good days.

I Won't Violate You With Touch But With Words.

This week has been pretty good so far.

I arrived here on Saturday after an almost four hour drive, highlights of which were; crappy unshaven junkie photoshoot (pictures to come when my sister gets off of her bitch ass and posts them), sing along, ashtray fights, and over ten pee breaks.

I was greeted when I got here by no one being home, so I simply broke in like I always do... cause I gave myself lock pick training when I was twelve. I read most of After the Quake, that book is short as hell, while I waited, and also played with a kitten named Gabrielle which I simply call cross eyed bitch cat.

When Kirsten finally got her ass home we went out for some shitty all you can eat pizza, and talked about what's happened in the past few months for a couple of hours. That's really all that happened that day.

Most of the other days have just been a lot of all night videogame matches, some Soul Calibur 4 and Team Fortress 2... as well as playing Dead Rising and Bioshock while everyone's at work and school. There has also been a lot of Demetri Martin comedy specials.

I'm going to go out with an old friend of mine in a few minutes, I'm just waiting for her to get here to pick me up.

I'll do more interesting stuff this week I promise.

Ohh, I almost forgot, another old friend came over last night and broke the gate, so we decided to use an old couch like a hammer to fix it... mostly because it's retarded looking, secondly because no one fucking has hammers.

I Dance Quarters On The Window Sill.

This morning is awkward. The night was awkward. I just really live an awkward, semi-sad, nicotine stained life... I like it.

This kid named Dustin came over to my house to hang out with Billy and we all ended up talking about random lame shit like alcohol, cigarettes, presidents, how John McCain is actually the dehydrated clone of George Bush, and other such nonsensities. We watched Ong-Bak while I drank MD 20/20 and yelled at the screen, calling bullshit incessently throughout the movie for Tony Jaa's Matrix-esque moves.

I'll tell you something kids, it's not a great idea to try to sample all the different wines, beers, vodkas, and whiskeys in your house... Just don't do it... unless supervised by the toilet, a bucket, or a towel on the floor. I'm just going to say that.

I'm still up now, waiting for my mom to get up to go to the doctor, so I can find out if she's going to take me or if I'm going to have to take the bus. See, I would drive there myself, but I'm technically not allowed to drive ever because I have panic attacks behind the wheel and end up slamming into a ditch... luckily, no one was even remotely hurt in that accident because my grandmother's car is made out of Croatian tank parts. I'm sort of hoping I get to take the bus so I can people watch and play the "Try to not get your head cut off by an insane Asian man" game.

If I look for pictures of Lawton all I find is pictures of clean buildings, gorgeous hillsides, and general wholesomness... Whatever, we all know Lawton is full of ghetto ass wanna-be gangbangers, hood rats, gutter skanks, tricks, bitches, sluts, and teenage girls waiting to get impregnated by a GI so they can have there whole life set on military pay... Ah, makes me long for it soo much.

I really need to shower, I smell like rancid beef stew from sitting on the porch in this humidity for most of the morning.

Play Me In Time To The Poet's Pencil Rhymn.

Tomorrow I leave. This week has gone by soo slowly, way too slowly if you ask me. It's been such a hard week for me, the thing I haven't stated in this blog is that I've been crying about things this whole week. It's been hard having one of my best friends in this town leave, I miss him, he's an amazing kid who was the only one I ever felt like I could talk about philosophy and religion, novels and poems with and he'd actually understand what I was saying. I hope I get to see him again soon, it already seems like so long since he's been gone. I hope to have another parking lot boxing match with him when I see him next.

Besides that though it's been pretty okay as far as weeks go. I've been getting to sleep earlier than usual, except for tonight because I can't sleep while anticipating this trip.

I've been watching wrestling a lot, if it was just the normal Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday it wouldn't be that weird, but I've been watching a lot of old matches on youtube and such, including the sweetly badass Cactus Jack vs. Wing Kanemura Deathmatch. Besides that it's been a lot of beat poetry, an obscure videogame for the SNES called The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang, zombie novels, shitty awesome gore films, and Persepolis. Yep, my week has pretty much been spent inside except for the random walks and jogs that I force myself into in order to lose all the fat that I have on this body. I really need a gym membership.

I think I might go jog right now, considering the sun will be up in about an hour and it annoys me to jog in the daytime.

Day Dreamer, You're Pondering And Planning.

I need to leave this place as fast as possible.

I don't know why but I woke up from a short nap this afternoon and just felt that I had to leave. It's one of those things that I feel is going to need to be done soon, like within the next few days, I'm going to have to leave here and be gone forever. I'll most likely actually do it too, because when my mind feels like this I normally go with what it's feeling, and this feels like impending doom if I don't get out of here.

In other news, I'm a strange person who was caught this morning reading Dumas under the covers with a flashlight like a seven year old. Oh, Count of Monte Cristo, you are a delightful tale.

You're all I want, building a building.

Leave The Parkour To The French.

For once in the past month I actually went to sleep at what many people would call a normal time. It didn't feel right waking up at sunrise though, I prefer darkness.

I ended up going with my mom to take my sister to school, but ended up being forced to sit in the Family Care Center parking lot for almost half an hour waiting for my sister to get her pills. I mostly just people watched the whole time, which is always exciting, creating life stories for all the people who pass by, such as the military transexual who was going to get checked for VD.

We ended up having breakfast from McDonald's because we were both too lazy to cook. Also, my mother fell through a hole in the floor that my sister made when she was doing something I can't remember, luckily the new floors should be finished this weekend.

Only a few more days until I leave for a little while...

I wish my dreams were weirder than they've been lately, because Parkour dreams aren't doing it for me.

The Quiet City

Only three more days until I pack up for another few weeks in a distant land.

I'm really excited and fearful to get back. On the one hand, I have two of the coolest people I have ever met to spend time with before one of them goes of to college. Yet, on the other, I don't even speak to 98% of the people I know in that place, burning a lot of bridges and holding many grudges will do that to you.

Hopefully it will be a good trip, full of three o'clock in the morning adventures into the seedy underbelly of the town.

I'm really worried about when I get back because I have to do that ACT redo that I was supposed to do at the beginning of the Summer but missed due to going to the wrong testing center. Then I have to send in applications and narrow down my four college choices to one. My roster is currently down to The University of Central Missouri, University of Nebraska, University of Kansas, and OU.

I'm looking to come out of one of these four with a degree in philosophy, one can only hope. I'm also looking for the other typical things everyone who is about to start college looks for: parties, new experiences, new people... etc...

This is going to be a hard next few months because of me being lax at the end of Highschool and deciding not to fill out applications. But hopefully my ACT will be good enough to possibly get a full ride, which would be awesome.

I need to shower now...

Never Be Sincere — Sincerity Is The Death Of Writing.

It's only a few more weeks until I begin my journey into the already previously known, and yet at the same time unknown world of being on my own. I'm going to be so bored with thinking about truly leaving this place for good by then that I'll probably forget about it. It's been one of only three things on my mind these past few days.

I certainly hope it goes better than it did last time.

I feel like I've grown older in the past few weeks, not physically, in fact I feel younger in that right, but mentally I feel like I'm rapidly changing into who I'm going to be when I reach the peak of what I am to become. It's really taken this long for it to happen? I still have a hard time putting the way I feel into words, and I still try to pretend I'm the young, innocently mischievous person that I was a month ago, but in all actuality I feel that he is rapidly fading inside me. I feel really happy about it though. Finally, some actual change is going to happen inside me.

In other news, I've learned how to deal with my anger. Because of Toru Okada I now know how to make the person I feel anger towards have no relationship to me in my mind, and it's actually working surprisingly well, I don't think I've had a true outburst in anger in many days.

You're going to be alright, kid.

Tempting Ghosts.

It was a good night for stirring up the world of the supernatural tonight. Too bad, nothing happened.

We need to actually get more commited to our struggles to find true proof of the world beyond this one besides just peoples feelings, intuition, and connections to the dead.

My friends and I decided that we need to attempt to find true proof of the ghost tales that have spread rampant through this town for the past years. One day, we will do it, but tonight was just not the night.

In other news... I've discovered that I might be one of those neo-hippies growing out of sustainability ethics and Green Party ideaology. This thought has of course been plauging my head since I had to write an article on projects working toward sustainability and a greener earth in our local school newspaper near the end of May. I've continued to become more and more aware of programs that strive to help make the world a cleaner, healthier place to live for everyone, as well as finding my own ways to help with these green movements.

Damn my Agnostic, Green Party, sustainability supporting ways...

If Your Penis Is Bigger You Are Welcome In My House... If It's Not, You Can Still Come In But I'll Probably Hate You.

I don't really have much to say today, so I'm mostly just going to give you a small factotum that you probably aren't going to know what to do with...

Everytime I pick up a newspaper, no matter from what place I have a distinct way of reading it. I always start at the very top, I read the title of the paper and all the little dates and publication information around it. Then I always start at the very first article and read all the way through it. After that if there is a picture I study it very carefully, scrutinizing it down to the very last detail, then I read the name of the photographer, followed by the name of who wrote the article itself. I do this with every article no matter what it is. I always read every single article, and if a page is missing I throw the paper away without reading it at all.

I'm just like that.

It sounded like a mundane thing that needed to be written down because I'm reading Haruki Murakami and everytime he writes things, no matter how mundane, they seem really poignant.

In other news, Billy is back from his stay in jail, which makes me happy. Also, his penis is three or four inches longer than mine... Don't ask why I know that.

My leg is bleeding, I need a band-aid.

I Don't Wanna Stay In This Little Room

Last night was another great night for me in this, so far, amazing week.

I went to Eggbert's for Ryan's birthday but he was running really late so Robby, Libby, and I stopped by the Quizno's so that Libby could eat something. We had a nice chat about pie and the songs you sing at four in the morning.

We went back to Eggbert's around like eight-something and sat in the parking lot for a little bit listening to Rush and some shitty song from the 90's. Aussi arrived after a little while and so we talked to her until Ryan got there and gave me softcore, interacial, prison porn.

A ton of people came that night and we filled the entire back of the smoking section. There was Holly, Kristen, her brother, Alexa, Robby, Libby, Aussi, Ryan, and a couple other people that I forgot about but whatever they didn't matter.

We ate some penis cupcakes and talked about just whatever came up, like politics, porn, the evils of Wal-mart, the days in Ms. Downings class, and our torture of said teacher.

It was a really nice night.

When we all left Robby came to my house and we watched Intervention while drinking beer and eating pizza rolls. I also drank some shitty ass wine that tasted like stale grapes.

All in all it was top three nights of the past few months.

I'm thinking of moving to Springfield, Missouri for my year off.

Smoke it's good for you.

Companionship is Where You Find It, so I Take What I Can Get.

I should really be asleep right now... I have to go to breakfast with friends as kind of a birthday celebration/last supper breakfast type things at Eggbert's at ten o'clock. That leaves me four hours to sleep if I want to wake up with time enough to get a shower.

I just don't think I'm going to go to sleep tonight. I'll just lay around and read The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, smoke a few cigarettes, maybe shower a for a long time, and drink some tea. That sounds like a good morning.

I feel like Lovecraft in Brooklyn.

I've Never Felt More Natural

Last night had to be one of my type five nights of all time.

Everything was perfect.

I went out of my house at around six with Robby. We rode to pick up Jenna. Delivered cupcakes Jenna made to Angela and talked to her about some creepy guy who was all up on her. Also, delivered cupcakes to Courtney in the parking lot of a Taco Bell where she and her boyfriend tried to sell us swords to buy a "stereo" (Black slang for drugs) while this creepy old black lady spied on us from over a small rock wall near the pond.

After all the deliveries we went to Braums and met up with Mina, Hilla, and Kenny. Someone had written manwhore in chalk on Kenny's truck and so we went out there and laughed about it for a while, while Robby drew circles on the ground and Mina tried to avoid the cloud of smoke that always surrounds me.

We left Kenny after a little while and packed everyone else into Robby's car to go to Erin Rose's house to watch part of the Olympics with a bunch of people. There was a lot of perving off on Asian men doing gymnastics, and of course, Mike Phelps. But we had to leave early because Jenna had to go home early, so we decided to stop by McDonald's and talk to James while he was on break. He was looking very scuzzy, always a good sign.

We took Jenna home, went to this guy kid Eric's apartment and sat on his stoop talking to him for like half an hour but we had to leave to go meet up with a bunch of people at Eggbert's and pick Jaclyn up.

Picked Jaclyn up, went to Eggbert's and waited for everyone to arrive. Alex got there first, then Courtney, and Joseph after he got off of work. We talked, laughed, had our nostalgia moments, laughed, met a guy with Lyme disease. Courtney had to leave to pack so she could head off to college today, so we hugged, cried a little, sang a song. Then we all packed up and left at 12:30.

After dropping off Hilla at her car, Robby and Jaclyn came over to my place, we hung out and watched part of Man vs. Wild, before they had to go. Robby said he'd come back but I was ready to go to sleep by that time so I told him to just head home and I'd call him later.

I was really too lazy to go into any kind of descriptions of conversations or anything else, but it was one of those times where you had to have been there.

Look Good to a Fault

I felt really good when I woke up this morning.

It's a real turn around from last night, until Molly and Jared came over, and when went for a nice long walk around the town, something I haven't done in over a month. I also got a call from Jenna and talked to her for a while, I'll have to call her back sometime today or tomorrow. Talked to Kirsten on the phone about Monopoly. Thimble Bitch.

Right now I have the house all to myself, because my sister had to go to Tech. I think I might put on a good old gore movie or sexplotation film and sew some clothing. Maybe read these totally ridiculous Street Fighter books I found on the net.

I'll go out sometime, but right now I'm getting a feel for my new floors and new bed.

I'm now going to go attempt to surgically replace my nipples with wolf maws and eat some yogurt. I don't write very well unless I have to, and I don't have too.

Homesick as an Astronaut

I'm back in Bartlesville, and it's not how I thought it would be at all.

No one is answering there phones and the computer is fucked beyond all belief.

I need to go on the road some more, I hope that'll help.

But besides those disappointments today has been pretty good. I had a delicious omelette at Ziggie's in Springfield. Watched this totally trashy movie called Terror in Tiny Town, it's about midget cowboys, and was made in the 30's. I also watched Der Fuhrer's Face, nice anti-Nazi propaganda. After that we got on the road.

I've been listening to Conor Oberst's new album way too much.

Now I am where I am now, I hope to get gone soon.

Help me get my boots on...

Please, please, please sister Socrates, you always. answer with a question show some kindness to a petty thief.

Most of the trip back to the ville is complete.

Tomorrow I will continue with the rest of the journey and then I will be home.

It's been a good ride so far. We drove down through Illionois and stopped at this little, shitty Knights Inn in some random small town that no one's ever heard of. It was being remodeled and smelled of moth balls and dirt. Ate McDonald's for dinner; ten burgers, four chicken sandwiches and four fries. We also watched Smackdown, which I always do anyway. Went to sleep after some stand up, woke up to too much sunlight and donuts, then continued.

We switched cars across from a speedway in St. Louis.

Now, I'm sitting in an apartment getting ready to nap. I'll be back soon.

I hate everyone, fuck your God.

Leaving this place...

Now!

I'll be back to the town in a day or two.

See you then, unless you aren't in Bartlesville, then I'll see you sometime, or never... You know, whatever.Peace, nigs!

Back to My House... Trailer... Thing... Motha Fucker!

Tomorrow I will begin the arduously long journey back to my house... trailer... pre-fabricated thing.

I will then proceed to get crunk... yes, I said crunk. Then I will have a two o'clock in the morning walk, get into a fight with a homeless man, run from the police, and smash my head into a conveniently placed wall.

Yep, those are pretty much my plans.

I also have people to see, before the leave me... forever... I will probably go see them, and then I will do some other things, maybe hang out for a week or two, then I will leave, then come back, then leave again.

I have to shower in the morning, so I don't smell too bad. But there is no way I am going to condition my hair because I'm going to be in a car all day. I'll just put it up or something.

This post is really going nowhere...


Here's a picture of Pat Robertson flipping you off, focus your hatred on him while a escape through this plot hole.

Go Nagai, Mercilessly Beating Your Childhood...

After reading through a couple chapters of Devilman today, I felt I should pay respect to one of the greatest artists of all time, who actually influenced most of my drawings from the ages of four to about thirteen (I would post them if I had them, but they have been burned to conserve space for when I actually know how to draw.)

I should save my celebration and respects for his birthday, but that's a month away, and this is now.
I know I should give you a sample of his work, but if you don't know who Go Nagai is you should be bludgeoned to death with your own sexual organs. So, here's a photo of him, along with a guy with one of the best set of tits I have ever had the pleasure to see on a man... and trust me, with my chubby chasing ways I have seen a few good sets of man boobs.

Why don't you go pay some respect to him too, and maybe you'll actually have your childhood monstrously sodomized as I have had.

Now, I'm going to go watch anime porn in a bid to lose the rest of my self respect.

I Was A Korean Child in 1999.

I finally found the music video for the song of the year back in 1999. That's nine whole years ago.

It still feels fresh.



This used to be the best song ever! Still kind of is.

There's Nowhere That I Really Need to Be

I'm really ready to get back home.

I know it will make my dad sad when I leave, but I don't really know that many people here so most days are just fading into one another. Doing the same things over and over. Watching T.V., sleeping, playing videogames... Maybe sometimes I go to a theme park or the comic book store, but that's really all there is to break up the monotony.

This always seems to happen to me during the last week of being here.

I should probably read or something. I have a book I've been putting off for weeks now. Toru Okada is calling to me.


I can't wait to get back and hang out with my friends, until they leave, and then I leave.

Three more days.

Professor Layton and Your Mother's Semen Stained Sheets

This weekend, and today so far, have been all about the Nintendo DS. I'm obsessed with this little thing.

Yesterday alone I played a ton of Cooking Mama, Lost in Blue, Pokemon Diamond, New Super Mario Brothers, and Trauma Center.

This thing is going to be the start of my fat, pimple assed, geek days. Sitting in the back room at my mom's house playing World of Warcraft. (I certainly hope not.)

But the game that has taken up most of my time has been a little puzzle game called Professor Layton. I grant it the title of the best thing to make me want to kill myself with a sudoku book. It's so good, but some of those puzzles are hella-challenging (hella is the only word I can think of for that freaking rope and coin puzzle.)

I have just completed building a robot dog that I have no idea how to use yet.

I just going to hope playing this game to much doesn't give me an aneurysm.

So long sleep.

This morning I was woken up, along with everyone in the house by a call from Laurie's drunken sister... during my first actual sleep in months.

So, now I'm awake, and sort of pissed off.

I just found a stack of water bottles in the kitchen, I don't remember when that got here. I hope I don't have short term memory loss because I remember everything else that is kitchen, and I'm sure no one went out last night.

I think I'm going to play Street Fighter now...
Cammy has kicked ass since I first played as her... not to mention when she broke that guys neck in the first animated movie. Didn't Kylie Minogue play her in the feature film... who cares... that movie sucked.

I'm going to go Cannon Drill Bison now.

One more thing...

New Face Metal

Today I finally got around to getting my septum done, at a small shop with two chairs, one for tattoos and one for piercings, and the hilarity and awkward sensations ensued.

Waiting

Cleaning

Test One
Test Two
Needles In

Done

There are some odd things you may notice in these pictures. The first one being the testing of the two clamps, which was actually three, the reason is that I have a crooked septum, which I didn't know until today. Secondly, the any look the guy getting the tattoo gives in the first picture, it's secondary, that's why it's second. I think he's afraid of cameras. The last thing is the tool hand off in the last picture, a guys motorcycle broke down near the shop and he asked if the had any tools... that's why.

The tattoo artist likes milkshakes from Dairy Queen. The piercer is his son, he's a grizzled, kind of angry guy... he's hilarious.

I ended up getting a ten dollar discount from them because my dad goes in there to get work done a lot.

Thus ends the photo documentation of my newest piercing.

Childhood Murder Fantasies

There's something mysterious and terrible crawling up from the acrid, squid scented bowels of Japan. Mangaka with a great vision for what the world of surreal terror could really be. Be forewarned, this is not your typical nerd manga that you see the smelly kid with the four hundred pounds of fat and back acne reading in the back of the class. There are no teenage ninjas, magical girls, or giant robots here... these are real artists who truly know how to express their visions.

Tsutsui Tetsuya

Tsutomu Nihei

Takahashi Tsutomu

Taiyo Matsumoto
Shintaro Kago

Junji Ito
Iwaaki Hitoshi
Hideshi Hino
Furuya Usamaru