かい人21面相

Quite and interesting case we have here: the Monster with 21 Faces, The Video Taped Man, The Fox-Eyed Man, the kidnapping Katsuhisa Ezaki, the self-immolation of police superintendent Yamamato of the Shiga Prefecture.

The Glico Morinaga Case is quite interesting.

"You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write 'Fuck you' right under your nose."

スーパーナチュラル

Of course, as usual, I don't really have anything that's really of any interest to anyone but myself to say.

It's been an all in all good week. I'm starting my diet soon, and I've cut down my soda drinking to about three cans a week, which is pretty good for me. Soon, I will start attending a gym and become a specimen of manly perfection.

I received a completely awesome uber-late birthday present from my friend Evan. The Hell in the Cell boxset has now been added to my collection of wrestling dvds, and has taken it's place on my shelf in between my Japanese Hardcore boxset and my TNA 2008 Pay-Per-View boxset. It is of course filled with all the exciting matches from when the WWF still existed as the name of the company, and when said company was still a contender in the exciting world of Wrestling, which, as the WWE, it has raped of much of it's intensity and action (especially what they did to that once wonderous show of violence and manliness called ECW). Which is why I'm glad they started showing TNA on T.V.

But now away from wrestling.

I had a delightful, albeit short, lunch with Joseph, Jenna, and Jessica today... it's kind of weird that most of my friends names start with Js. (Let's see, there's Joseph, Jenna, Jessica, Jaclyn, Jessica, Jessica, John, James, and Jessica.) They got food from a nice little place known as the Quick Trip, and I just ate my apple and drank my water. We had some nice conversations, and I got to see how much Joseph has grown since I last saw him... I remember when he used to be a midget, and now he's becoming a man.

Tomorrow, one of the other Jessicas, along with Molly, Jared, and Mikey are coming over and we're going to spend the night playing some Left 4 Dead. It should be a good night.

(Oh, the title has nothing to do with this post. It means Supernatural in Japanese, which is quite a good show... quite good.)

Blood and Titties

So, ever since Thanksgiving, and the incredible awkward pre-Thanksgiving get together... I'll talk about that later... I've been playing a lot of video games, and I mean literally somwhere between 24 and 36 hours of time has gone down the shitter.

Firstly, I beat Silent Hill Homecoming six times, got all the endings, all the stupid achievements and was left satisfied yet somehow hollow. It did turn out to be the third best of the franchise, behind 3 and 2 but it relied far too much on the film and wasn't even made by Team Silent, instead being made by Double Helix. At least Akira Yamaoka still did the sound design.

I followed that up with many rounds of Left 4 Dead, Mirror's Edge, and Dead or Alive 4. All great games.

Then I finally got around to playing, and subsequently beating, Ninja Gaiden 2 in all of a day, which made me sort of sad as I wanted more weapons to violently eviscerate the bad guys with... Oh well.

I am now trying to cut myself off from gaming for a while, going so far as to shove the X-box and it's bag in my dark, dank crawlspace.

(Oh yeah, the pre-Thanksgiving party... a lot of old friends, awkwardness on the part of one of my friends and his wife from who he is seperated, and a transexual... that is really all I want to say.)

I didn't really have anything I wanted to talk about so my shitty entry will have to suffice.

Seven months and counting till wrestling school.

Gauze

So, it has finally come to a head. With the inclusion of a book from Permuted Press in the Bartlesville Public Library, the undead take over of Bartlesville is finally making real head way.

You must be thinking "But sir, it's just one book, how can this signify anything big for the future of your favorite type of fiction." (I imagine that everyone calls me sir, because it makes me feel like I am a fifty year old man, which is my ultimate goal.)

I understand that this may not seem like a huge thing to you but for a library who once used to only carry classic literature and harlequin romance novels to now be carrying zombie fiction (not to mention books but known subversives... In a conservative community!) is a huge deal, that means what I've been trying to do has worked. Secondly, it's not fiction, it's speculative fact... stuff to happen in the future.

Now, I have to call the library and request more of such literature... and also get in contact with the Zombie Walk people sometime.

(I know, I'm way to excited about a genre that's been popular for over forty years now, but I'm still a fanboy, otaku piece of shit, so let me have my little joys.)

P.S. The title has nothing to do with anything in this post, it's just the album I happen to be listening to right now.

28 Famous Scenes of Murder and Verse

Thanks to SAME HAT! SAME HAT! I now know that Creation books will be releasing Kazuichi Hanawa and Suehiro Maruo's "New Atrocities in Blood" art book... the only problem, they are only releasing 50 copies of the book, which means I will not be able to get it before all the other violent manga enthusiasts have their grubby little paws on it.... What a sad day!

The Boxer

Here's how sad my life had become, it is now almost six and all I've really done all day is drink a bottle of Wild Irish Rose and listen to Emmylou Harris. Does that sound like a fulfilling day to anyone else? Likely not.

I still haven't gotten a job.... I need one of those.

Awkwardly, just after I finished typing that last fragment my mother came in and handed me applicant instructions for Phillips 66... Which is cool, gas station employee is the career that I've always wanted.

virelai ad mortem festinamus

Vita brevis breviter in brevi finietur,
Mors venit velociter quae neminem veretur,

Omnia mors perimit et nulli miseretur.

Ad mortem festinamus peccare desistamus.

Ni conversus fueris et sicut puer factus

Et vitam mutaveris in meliores actus,

Intrare non poteris regnum Dei beatus.

Ad mortem festinamus peccare desistamus.

Asleep in Green Country

Red Fox Grey Fox - Wait for Me, Abbey Bernstein, cover of a song originally by Small Towns Burn A Little Slower.

I don't really have much to say, nothing has really changed.

Reading Palms

Finally, I've been able to get sleep after weeks of trying and failing, trying and failing, trying and failing. I know why I can almost never sleep at night but I don't have to like it do I.

I woke up really early though, at like 3:52 A.M. if I remember correctly.

The moment I was fully awake, I slipped into some khakis, an old Anti-Flag shirt that I try not to wear but the material always smells of incense from that store that I purchased it from, and my favorite sweater that Courtney bought me a long while back, then I planted my wallet and cigarettes in my pocket and went for a long walk.

I explored many parts of town, places I had been with my friends before, places I have fond memories of. Like the church with the nice hidden hill that Robby, Jenna, and I used to sit on at night, smoking and looking down at the traffic, all the while listening to country music and talking about the future... and where I had that nub fight with Joseph and Robby in which we all got slammed into the concrete of the parking lot a little to hard.

There was also the old wall in the shopping district that we'd all sprayed our codenames on. There were also all the outlets that Robbz had placed on many of the surfaces around the town.
The road that Holly and I drove up and down till two in the morning on a day that I had to be at school early, yelling at passing people, and trying to figure out if her neighbors were going to tell her parents that they'd seen us acting like trapped animals.

Then there was probably my favorite place, the stoop in front of a small clothing store where Molly, Jared, and I used to sit at till we got tired, which usually took until about 5 in the morning. The place where we used to talk about all the things that had happened to us at school, the place where we'd tell each other wild sex stories, our hidden secrets... the things that we only tell the people closest to us.

Reliving moments of the past... Hopefully, I'll be somewhere different soon, to start this whole thing over again.

Names and Faces

It feels really weird when you know you know someone, and that you've known them forever, but besides that you can't remember who they are. You remember there name, your remember that you were connected in some way, but you don't know if you were friends or foes, if you hated them or absolutely loved them. You only know that they existed somewhere in your life and that they were there for long enough for there name to be remembered.

I've been having this happen all night, people will ask me about someone and I'll remember that I had a connection to them, but I pop up my memory file and it just says "You knew them for a couple years. You may have had 8th grade math with them." It's all very stressful.

Hmmm... Maybe I'll hunt these names down and find out exactly how I know them, and if I knew them well I'll find out if they have a husband or wife, if they have any kids, how they like there sandwiches, things that need to be known.

I don't really have a clever nonsequiter, so in other news... My little sister has a job now, I'm waiting for a call from my prospective employer which could be at anytime in the next two days, and I think I may becoming a stranger in this city. I think it might be time to actually leave, and stop just talking about it.

Passage from Time Quake by Kurt Vonnegut

At ten o'clock the old, long out-of-print science fiction writer announced it was his bedtime. There was one last thing he wanted to say to us, to his family. Like a magician seeking a volunteer from the audience, he asked someone to stand beside him and do what he said. I held up my hand. "Me, please, me," i said.

The crowd fell quiet as i took my place to his right.

"The universe has expanded so enormously," he said, "with the exception of the minor glitch it put us through, that light is no longer fast enough to make any trips worth taking in even the most unreasonable lengths of time. Once the fastest thing possible, they say, light now belongs in the graveyard of history like the Pony Express.

"I now ask this human being brave enough to stand next to me to pick two twinkling points of obsolete light in the sky above us. It doesnt matter what they are, except that they must twinkle. If they dont twinkle they are either planets or satellites. Tonight we are not interested in planets or satellites."

I picked two points of light maybe ten feet apart. One was Polaris. I have no idea what the other one was. For all i knew, it was Puke, Trout's star the size of a BB.

"Do they twinkle?" he said.
"Yes they do," i said.
"Promise?" he said.
"Cross my heart," i said.

"Excellent!" he said. "Now then: Whatever heavenly bodies those two glints represent, it is certain that the Universe has become so rarified that for light to go from one to the other would take thousand or millions of years. But i now ask you to look precisely at one, then precisely at the other."

"OK," i said. "I did it."
"It took a second, do you think?" he said.
"No more," i said.

"Even if you had taken an hour," he said, "something would have passed between where those two heavenly bodies used to be, at, conservatively speaking, a million times the speed of light."

"What was it?" i said.

"Your awareness," he said. "That is a new quality in the Universe, which exists only because there are human beings. Physicists must from now on, when pondering the secrets of the cosmos, factor in not only energy and matter and time, but something very new and beautiful, which is human awareness."

Trout paused, ensuring with the ball of his left thumb that his upper dental plate would not slip as he sad his last words to us that enchanted evening.

All was well with his teeth. This was his finale: "I have thought of a better word than awareness," he said. "Let us call it soul."

(Nothing to say really, job interview in an hour.)

By request of the old man that his body never lay out of ear shot of the town's bells.

It's been a rather exciting past two days. I've got a lot of things done, filled out some paper work. I'm waiting for a call from a prospective employer, which hopefully comes soon. Then I need to go sign some papers for this beautifully house that I found that hasn't been occupied for a very long time, I hope it's a murder house.

I watched the Fountain today, such a great movie. I like the interweaving of different philosophies and religious beliefs.

I think I might watch the Seventh Seal later.

Also, I need to get out of this house and go somewhere, spend some time with someone else, besides just Billy.

José Saramago...

At first I was really not excited about the film adaptation of Nobel Prize winning novel Blindness by José Saramago. Almost everytime a book is picked up by a movie studio it is inevitably ruined in some way, but after reading a little more about it I'm losing some of my gaurd towards it.

The first thing that made me drop some of my gaurd is the fact that the movie was directed by Fernando Meirelles, director of the amazing film adaptation of City of God by Paulo Lins and also the adaptation of John le Carré's (David John Moore Cornwell) The Constant Gardener. So that's got me letting up abit on my fear towards letting this film be directed.

Also, the film will not have the characters named, just like the book. I love that they kept that in because it forces you to actually watch the movie, and learn about each of these characters so that you can have a way to describe them. It might be hard for some people to watch, but oh well.

The producer and screenwriter also went to Saramago and spoke to him personally to get that rights to making the film and let him have his demands about what had to be in the film, which should help the movie stay faithful.

There have been some critics who don't care for the film, but most of their articles make it seem like the haven't even read the novel.

(Oh yeah, I read all the books that this author has directed film adaptations for last year in my reading for personal pleasure class... I wonder if he'll think about doing an adaptation of The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy.)

Classifieds.

I'm beginning to scare myself, not in the good ways like thoughts about maiming your enemies with a hockey stick covered in bent nails but in the awkward what-the-hell-am-I-becoming sort of way.

Firstly, I've become unnaturally obsessed with the V-neck shirts from American Apparel, which may not sound weird, but anyone who knows me knows why that's a scary thing.

Secondly, I've begun to actually be able to go to sleep normally at night, which shouldn't be a bad thing, but I actually do have literal insomnia, so it's really awkward to wake up at 8:00 in the morning like some people.

Lastly, and the major one, is that I'm beginning to develop an interest in a really good friend of mine. Until recently I've viewed this person as nothing more than a really good friend and someone who's fun to hang out with when I get the chance. But now, I've begun to notice that there is a really subtle sexiness and confidence to him that really isn't common to most people, like he's really comfortable in his own skin, it's a really attractive quality.

The bad thing is I'm don't think he's gay, even though we do flirt and play around there's never been anything sexual or romantic about it, it's just two friends teasing each other, but everyone else I talk to are pretty sure that he is a queer. I don't know what to do, I hope to be able to talk to him about it one day like I've done with other friends that I've had an attraction to.

Oh well, I'm being melodramatic.

I'm going to go buy a canteen, because I want one.

ALSO, I have to remember to tell Shawnte that she is marrying a douche bag.

What's On The Auction Block?

I can never seem to go to sleep while it's dark outside, ever, I think I'm just going to try to stay awake for the day and try to go to sleep tonight.

I've just been sitting around since Billy and my sister went to sleep at around three. I read a few pages from Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, which I'm slowly making my way through, also read the first five issues of Gilbert Hernandez's new work Speak of the Devil, it's quite good, but had a quick switch in the middle of the story that was really unexpected. I'm about to start reading some of the beginning issues of he and his brother Jaime's most famous work Love and Rockets.

When Billy wakes up we're going to watch Stranger's with Candy and look for houses on the West Side because they're fucking cheap and ghetto as hell. Hopefully we'll be able to find one that we can agree on so we can get our own place soon. I need to fill out some more job applications today as well... It's going to be a mostly work day which should keep me awake.

I think I'm going to go take a shower in a minute and maybe eat something, since I didn't eat anything yesterday on account of waking up at six at night.

Conjuring Up Concrete.

I'm finally back, after three weeks I'm back in the Ville. It's nice to be back.

A couple of things have changed since I was last here; we got a new kitten named Norma, she's tiny and a feisty bitch, got a new computer chair, wi-fi internet, a new Batman action figure from some friends of mine. Little things.

I need to get a job now. I'm going to put in applications to Sitel, Hastings, and a few other places over the next few days. I'm also talking to Billy about getting our own place, which would be awesome, so I'm going to start searching the papers after I get a job.

I also think I'm going to go to RSU for my basics next year instead of moving to a new place my first year of college.

The lost children are comrades to the little birds that have infiltrated these lands.

Yesterday was pretty good, it's been one of the first good days in a while.

It was Kirsten's birthday, she's now officially 2.1 decades old. We didn't really have much of a party, just kind of a hang out thing with friends. Gifts, little food, the like. I got her Harriet the Spy because she loves that movie. We also went and did our daily book reading at the local Hastings because we're both broke. At dinner I was told that most of the kids I spend my days with haven't seen me eat since I've been here... What the hell? I have eaten, I just have a weird thing about having people see me eat, the idea of it just weirds me out.

We also got a retarded stoner prank pulled on us tonight. Who the fuck leaves twenty pairs of sunglasses and little marshmallows on the ground outside the house and thinks that's a prank, seriously. But we got the kid who did it to clean up his own mess... so prank didn't work out as well as he'd planned.

Now I'm the only one awake, and I've been in between surfing the internet and being scared by the original Fatal Frame... just because it doesn't have the best graphics doesn't mean it's not scary as fuck... immersion!

Well, I'm done with this... I can't write anything anymore... Hopefully I'll be home soon... I hate the Comanche County Police Department.

Superflat!

Tonight I really just needed something that I could watch that would make me feel good. Something weird and fantastic, possibly even insane... and I found it in the works of Tatsuyuki Tanaka.

First, I watched this really awesome little short film collection called Digital Juice, it was really weird and hard to describe... half the time I didn't know what was going on. I give it a 7.5 out of 10 for being good but not super great or anything.

Then, I watched Eternal Family, it sounds kind of normal but read this synopsis I stole from Anime News Network and you'll see that it is not: It started as a sociological experiment. 6 different people were brainwashed to think that they were a family and then put in arbitrary situations to see how they would react. However, when a taping of the families conducts is sold in a desperate attempt to make a little capital it instantly becomes a success. Now the family is a first rated show and their every move is broadcasted around the world without them knowing it. But when a clogged toilet sets off a chain of events that ultimately frees the family from the room they are confined in the broadcasters, not willing to lose their source of income, set out to hunt down and recapture every member of the Eternal family.
Gets an 8.5 for being pretty fucking awesome.

Oh yeah, I've also started re-watching Paranoia Agent. I feel better now.

God Damn Those Drawings.

I'm haven't written anything in a while, atleast for me. But I haven't had anything I really care to tell anyone about happen in my life recently.

I really just want to go home. I think I might need to cry... It was good for two weeks but it's kind of gone down the toilet, we all have our problems and they aren't meshing as well as they usually do.

I wish the Lawton police would hurry up so I can go home.

(This is really disjointed but a lot of things are happening that I don't want to talk about.)

The Old Familiar Stain

This day is just plain annoying. There's no other way to describe it.

I'm tired of trying to mediate things that I can't really help because both of the people who need mediating have such opposing views. I'm sick of couples who are in the constant cycle of fight, love, fight, love, fight. I really just want to sleep right now.

Tomorrow will be better.

Hermann Hesse the Dog has become like my best animal friend, I need to find a way to convince the family to let me keep him in the house until I move, then I'll take him with me. He's in the backyard of the house I'm staying at for four more days, with it's broken gate, and the wind... hiding under a turned over couch because he's afraid of the inside of this house, mainly because of the cat. It's kind of a sad thing to do with the most loyal dog ever, only two days and he already follows me everywhere.

Ummm... I really don't have anything to say. I been feeling kind of sick all night... I think I need bed rest... on the couch.

Hermann Hesse the Dog

Today, we found the most beautiful little puppy I have ever seen, just adventuring around the neighborhood. We invited him over, served him some water, ham, and pet food and now he is in the back yard, being the most adorable thing I have ever seen. He appears to be a Dachshund/Beagle mix.

We're trying to find a home for him now. I can't take him because of my cats. We need a home so we don't have to take him to the pound.

He's a good dog. Well taken care of coat, good teeth, doesn't bark, loves people, everything a dog owner would want. I hope to find someone before we have to send him to the SPCA.

Oh, and his name is Hermann Hesse, hence the title.

The Childishness of Classic Games.

Last night seems like a bad dream to me. I don't know what actually happened but there was a lot of hostility between my best friend and her boyfriend. There was a rain slicked walk with deep conversations about how terrible people are. There was also some bad old Batman movie. Then I fell asleep.

Today's been pretty good though. Woke up really late considering how early I went to bed.

I had this idea while I was outside earlier. Remember the old days when videogames were all had a childlike nature to them, games like: The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang, Kid Dracula, and the Legend of Zelda back when it was still considered the greatest game series ever. Well, I had an idea on how to possibly bring those days back, what if there was a game where you played as a small boy living staying in a small town surrounded by forest over the Summer and you played around as him as well as seeing things through his imagination. I don't really have much more ideas but I will say more when I have it finished.

I feel really sick right now.

Wax Paper and Meredith Monk

I'm insanely bored right now. I have absolutely nothing that I want to do.
I may end up going to the carnival later, but then again I'll probably just stay home and read Nietzsche in a bid to get me prepared for the class on him that's not for another year.

Since I don't really have much to say I'm just going to throw out a list of magazines that I would like everyone to read:
Vice Magazine
Up
Corduroy
Juxtapoz
Butt
Skyscraper
and Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens

Those are the magazines that I usually spend the months with, except Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens which has a hectic, strange printing schedule.

Also, read the Dream People, it's an excellent online publication... if you like Bizarro fiction.

I need to thank Cat for showing me Meredith Monk, she is amazing.

El Cielo Es Azul

Yesterday I went out with Cat to hang out for a while since we haven't seen each other in a long time. We actually went to Starbucks, a place I try to vow to never go into at least once a week but I always end up there. Cat ordered me a cappuccino and herself an americano, we had a few nice conversations, Cat learned and I remembered how to play chess, and had a debate about breastfeeding in public (which I for the record am against, and it's not a matter of breast and baby coverage level.)

We also headed over to Hastings and looked at book titles, I also picked up a bunch of magazines that I didn't get to look through because she insisted on showing me a Brazilian graffiti book before we had to leave which we couldn't find, which mad me kind of sad. After we leave we headed to the Unitarian Universalist church where she plays piano so that she could help some of the members practice there singing and this old Anglo Australian man who has a voice that I wish would read me bedtime stories made me sing with them. It was quite enjoyable, and I love that place, everytime I go there it's exciting. So I'm going there on Saturday.

After we were finished Cat dropped me off at Alex and Sharon's house so that I could have spaghetti dinner with them and the people I'm staying with, my best friend Kirsten and her boyfriend Kenne. We watched a movie called The Sickhouse which was sooo terrible it's awesome. This chick had leeches shoot out of her vagina and a guy got violently face raped by a Plague Doctors mask... sweet!

That was the end of yesterday, because after we arrived back at the house I ended up falling asleep. It was an all in all great day. Today was even better (even though it's technically yesterday because it's past twelve, but who cares.)

I woke up at around ten and went to Wal-mart (which is officially evil) so I could pick up some money my mom sent me for spending while I'm down here. Had a disgusting McDonald's burger of which I only ate half because I can't eat as much as I usually do lately. Headed to Hastings and bought two books; Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche and Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller and read the magazines which I wasn't able to read yesterday.

I came back to the house and played Castle Crashers for a few hours... It's actually a pretty awesome game for being made by Newgrounds.

Cat came and picked me up at around six to go have dinner at Hong Kong Buffet with Alex, Sharon, Natalie, and Allison. Cat's been paying for every meal I have out lately and I appreciate it sooo much, thank you Cat. We went to Starbucks again after dinner and I drank an Americano, which Cat also bought with much protest from me. There were also a ton of pictures taken of everyone and some old memories shared (like when I carried Sharon to her room when I lived with her, tucked her into bed, and read her Where the Wild Things Are.)

After Sharon and Alex left, the rest of us headed to a foam party at the college, which I thought was lame at first but turned out to be really awesome with us all drenched in foam and getting super skanky on the dance floor, which was actually the Arts Center fountain. I saw a ton of people there that I haven't seen in years, even some I've known since I was like five.

Now I'm back at the house and my pants are soaked and soapy. It's been some good days.

I Won't Violate You With Touch But With Words.

This week has been pretty good so far.

I arrived here on Saturday after an almost four hour drive, highlights of which were; crappy unshaven junkie photoshoot (pictures to come when my sister gets off of her bitch ass and posts them), sing along, ashtray fights, and over ten pee breaks.

I was greeted when I got here by no one being home, so I simply broke in like I always do... cause I gave myself lock pick training when I was twelve. I read most of After the Quake, that book is short as hell, while I waited, and also played with a kitten named Gabrielle which I simply call cross eyed bitch cat.

When Kirsten finally got her ass home we went out for some shitty all you can eat pizza, and talked about what's happened in the past few months for a couple of hours. That's really all that happened that day.

Most of the other days have just been a lot of all night videogame matches, some Soul Calibur 4 and Team Fortress 2... as well as playing Dead Rising and Bioshock while everyone's at work and school. There has also been a lot of Demetri Martin comedy specials.

I'm going to go out with an old friend of mine in a few minutes, I'm just waiting for her to get here to pick me up.

I'll do more interesting stuff this week I promise.

Ohh, I almost forgot, another old friend came over last night and broke the gate, so we decided to use an old couch like a hammer to fix it... mostly because it's retarded looking, secondly because no one fucking has hammers.

I Dance Quarters On The Window Sill.

This morning is awkward. The night was awkward. I just really live an awkward, semi-sad, nicotine stained life... I like it.

This kid named Dustin came over to my house to hang out with Billy and we all ended up talking about random lame shit like alcohol, cigarettes, presidents, how John McCain is actually the dehydrated clone of George Bush, and other such nonsensities. We watched Ong-Bak while I drank MD 20/20 and yelled at the screen, calling bullshit incessently throughout the movie for Tony Jaa's Matrix-esque moves.

I'll tell you something kids, it's not a great idea to try to sample all the different wines, beers, vodkas, and whiskeys in your house... Just don't do it... unless supervised by the toilet, a bucket, or a towel on the floor. I'm just going to say that.

I'm still up now, waiting for my mom to get up to go to the doctor, so I can find out if she's going to take me or if I'm going to have to take the bus. See, I would drive there myself, but I'm technically not allowed to drive ever because I have panic attacks behind the wheel and end up slamming into a ditch... luckily, no one was even remotely hurt in that accident because my grandmother's car is made out of Croatian tank parts. I'm sort of hoping I get to take the bus so I can people watch and play the "Try to not get your head cut off by an insane Asian man" game.

If I look for pictures of Lawton all I find is pictures of clean buildings, gorgeous hillsides, and general wholesomness... Whatever, we all know Lawton is full of ghetto ass wanna-be gangbangers, hood rats, gutter skanks, tricks, bitches, sluts, and teenage girls waiting to get impregnated by a GI so they can have there whole life set on military pay... Ah, makes me long for it soo much.

I really need to shower, I smell like rancid beef stew from sitting on the porch in this humidity for most of the morning.

Play Me In Time To The Poet's Pencil Rhymn.

Tomorrow I leave. This week has gone by soo slowly, way too slowly if you ask me. It's been such a hard week for me, the thing I haven't stated in this blog is that I've been crying about things this whole week. It's been hard having one of my best friends in this town leave, I miss him, he's an amazing kid who was the only one I ever felt like I could talk about philosophy and religion, novels and poems with and he'd actually understand what I was saying. I hope I get to see him again soon, it already seems like so long since he's been gone. I hope to have another parking lot boxing match with him when I see him next.

Besides that though it's been pretty okay as far as weeks go. I've been getting to sleep earlier than usual, except for tonight because I can't sleep while anticipating this trip.

I've been watching wrestling a lot, if it was just the normal Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday it wouldn't be that weird, but I've been watching a lot of old matches on youtube and such, including the sweetly badass Cactus Jack vs. Wing Kanemura Deathmatch. Besides that it's been a lot of beat poetry, an obscure videogame for the SNES called The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang, zombie novels, shitty awesome gore films, and Persepolis. Yep, my week has pretty much been spent inside except for the random walks and jogs that I force myself into in order to lose all the fat that I have on this body. I really need a gym membership.

I think I might go jog right now, considering the sun will be up in about an hour and it annoys me to jog in the daytime.

Day Dreamer, You're Pondering And Planning.

I need to leave this place as fast as possible.

I don't know why but I woke up from a short nap this afternoon and just felt that I had to leave. It's one of those things that I feel is going to need to be done soon, like within the next few days, I'm going to have to leave here and be gone forever. I'll most likely actually do it too, because when my mind feels like this I normally go with what it's feeling, and this feels like impending doom if I don't get out of here.

In other news, I'm a strange person who was caught this morning reading Dumas under the covers with a flashlight like a seven year old. Oh, Count of Monte Cristo, you are a delightful tale.

You're all I want, building a building.

Leave The Parkour To The French.

For once in the past month I actually went to sleep at what many people would call a normal time. It didn't feel right waking up at sunrise though, I prefer darkness.

I ended up going with my mom to take my sister to school, but ended up being forced to sit in the Family Care Center parking lot for almost half an hour waiting for my sister to get her pills. I mostly just people watched the whole time, which is always exciting, creating life stories for all the people who pass by, such as the military transexual who was going to get checked for VD.

We ended up having breakfast from McDonald's because we were both too lazy to cook. Also, my mother fell through a hole in the floor that my sister made when she was doing something I can't remember, luckily the new floors should be finished this weekend.

Only a few more days until I leave for a little while...

I wish my dreams were weirder than they've been lately, because Parkour dreams aren't doing it for me.

The Quiet City

Only three more days until I pack up for another few weeks in a distant land.

I'm really excited and fearful to get back. On the one hand, I have two of the coolest people I have ever met to spend time with before one of them goes of to college. Yet, on the other, I don't even speak to 98% of the people I know in that place, burning a lot of bridges and holding many grudges will do that to you.

Hopefully it will be a good trip, full of three o'clock in the morning adventures into the seedy underbelly of the town.

I'm really worried about when I get back because I have to do that ACT redo that I was supposed to do at the beginning of the Summer but missed due to going to the wrong testing center. Then I have to send in applications and narrow down my four college choices to one. My roster is currently down to The University of Central Missouri, University of Nebraska, University of Kansas, and OU.

I'm looking to come out of one of these four with a degree in philosophy, one can only hope. I'm also looking for the other typical things everyone who is about to start college looks for: parties, new experiences, new people... etc...

This is going to be a hard next few months because of me being lax at the end of Highschool and deciding not to fill out applications. But hopefully my ACT will be good enough to possibly get a full ride, which would be awesome.

I need to shower now...

Never Be Sincere — Sincerity Is The Death Of Writing.

It's only a few more weeks until I begin my journey into the already previously known, and yet at the same time unknown world of being on my own. I'm going to be so bored with thinking about truly leaving this place for good by then that I'll probably forget about it. It's been one of only three things on my mind these past few days.

I certainly hope it goes better than it did last time.

I feel like I've grown older in the past few weeks, not physically, in fact I feel younger in that right, but mentally I feel like I'm rapidly changing into who I'm going to be when I reach the peak of what I am to become. It's really taken this long for it to happen? I still have a hard time putting the way I feel into words, and I still try to pretend I'm the young, innocently mischievous person that I was a month ago, but in all actuality I feel that he is rapidly fading inside me. I feel really happy about it though. Finally, some actual change is going to happen inside me.

In other news, I've learned how to deal with my anger. Because of Toru Okada I now know how to make the person I feel anger towards have no relationship to me in my mind, and it's actually working surprisingly well, I don't think I've had a true outburst in anger in many days.

You're going to be alright, kid.

Tempting Ghosts.

It was a good night for stirring up the world of the supernatural tonight. Too bad, nothing happened.

We need to actually get more commited to our struggles to find true proof of the world beyond this one besides just peoples feelings, intuition, and connections to the dead.

My friends and I decided that we need to attempt to find true proof of the ghost tales that have spread rampant through this town for the past years. One day, we will do it, but tonight was just not the night.

In other news... I've discovered that I might be one of those neo-hippies growing out of sustainability ethics and Green Party ideaology. This thought has of course been plauging my head since I had to write an article on projects working toward sustainability and a greener earth in our local school newspaper near the end of May. I've continued to become more and more aware of programs that strive to help make the world a cleaner, healthier place to live for everyone, as well as finding my own ways to help with these green movements.

Damn my Agnostic, Green Party, sustainability supporting ways...

If Your Penis Is Bigger You Are Welcome In My House... If It's Not, You Can Still Come In But I'll Probably Hate You.

I don't really have much to say today, so I'm mostly just going to give you a small factotum that you probably aren't going to know what to do with...

Everytime I pick up a newspaper, no matter from what place I have a distinct way of reading it. I always start at the very top, I read the title of the paper and all the little dates and publication information around it. Then I always start at the very first article and read all the way through it. After that if there is a picture I study it very carefully, scrutinizing it down to the very last detail, then I read the name of the photographer, followed by the name of who wrote the article itself. I do this with every article no matter what it is. I always read every single article, and if a page is missing I throw the paper away without reading it at all.

I'm just like that.

It sounded like a mundane thing that needed to be written down because I'm reading Haruki Murakami and everytime he writes things, no matter how mundane, they seem really poignant.

In other news, Billy is back from his stay in jail, which makes me happy. Also, his penis is three or four inches longer than mine... Don't ask why I know that.

My leg is bleeding, I need a band-aid.

I Don't Wanna Stay In This Little Room

Last night was another great night for me in this, so far, amazing week.

I went to Eggbert's for Ryan's birthday but he was running really late so Robby, Libby, and I stopped by the Quizno's so that Libby could eat something. We had a nice chat about pie and the songs you sing at four in the morning.

We went back to Eggbert's around like eight-something and sat in the parking lot for a little bit listening to Rush and some shitty song from the 90's. Aussi arrived after a little while and so we talked to her until Ryan got there and gave me softcore, interacial, prison porn.

A ton of people came that night and we filled the entire back of the smoking section. There was Holly, Kristen, her brother, Alexa, Robby, Libby, Aussi, Ryan, and a couple other people that I forgot about but whatever they didn't matter.

We ate some penis cupcakes and talked about just whatever came up, like politics, porn, the evils of Wal-mart, the days in Ms. Downings class, and our torture of said teacher.

It was a really nice night.

When we all left Robby came to my house and we watched Intervention while drinking beer and eating pizza rolls. I also drank some shitty ass wine that tasted like stale grapes.

All in all it was top three nights of the past few months.

I'm thinking of moving to Springfield, Missouri for my year off.

Smoke it's good for you.

Companionship is Where You Find It, so I Take What I Can Get.

I should really be asleep right now... I have to go to breakfast with friends as kind of a birthday celebration/last supper breakfast type things at Eggbert's at ten o'clock. That leaves me four hours to sleep if I want to wake up with time enough to get a shower.

I just don't think I'm going to go to sleep tonight. I'll just lay around and read The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, smoke a few cigarettes, maybe shower a for a long time, and drink some tea. That sounds like a good morning.

I feel like Lovecraft in Brooklyn.

I've Never Felt More Natural

Last night had to be one of my type five nights of all time.

Everything was perfect.

I went out of my house at around six with Robby. We rode to pick up Jenna. Delivered cupcakes Jenna made to Angela and talked to her about some creepy guy who was all up on her. Also, delivered cupcakes to Courtney in the parking lot of a Taco Bell where she and her boyfriend tried to sell us swords to buy a "stereo" (Black slang for drugs) while this creepy old black lady spied on us from over a small rock wall near the pond.

After all the deliveries we went to Braums and met up with Mina, Hilla, and Kenny. Someone had written manwhore in chalk on Kenny's truck and so we went out there and laughed about it for a while, while Robby drew circles on the ground and Mina tried to avoid the cloud of smoke that always surrounds me.

We left Kenny after a little while and packed everyone else into Robby's car to go to Erin Rose's house to watch part of the Olympics with a bunch of people. There was a lot of perving off on Asian men doing gymnastics, and of course, Mike Phelps. But we had to leave early because Jenna had to go home early, so we decided to stop by McDonald's and talk to James while he was on break. He was looking very scuzzy, always a good sign.

We took Jenna home, went to this guy kid Eric's apartment and sat on his stoop talking to him for like half an hour but we had to leave to go meet up with a bunch of people at Eggbert's and pick Jaclyn up.

Picked Jaclyn up, went to Eggbert's and waited for everyone to arrive. Alex got there first, then Courtney, and Joseph after he got off of work. We talked, laughed, had our nostalgia moments, laughed, met a guy with Lyme disease. Courtney had to leave to pack so she could head off to college today, so we hugged, cried a little, sang a song. Then we all packed up and left at 12:30.

After dropping off Hilla at her car, Robby and Jaclyn came over to my place, we hung out and watched part of Man vs. Wild, before they had to go. Robby said he'd come back but I was ready to go to sleep by that time so I told him to just head home and I'd call him later.

I was really too lazy to go into any kind of descriptions of conversations or anything else, but it was one of those times where you had to have been there.

Look Good to a Fault

I felt really good when I woke up this morning.

It's a real turn around from last night, until Molly and Jared came over, and when went for a nice long walk around the town, something I haven't done in over a month. I also got a call from Jenna and talked to her for a while, I'll have to call her back sometime today or tomorrow. Talked to Kirsten on the phone about Monopoly. Thimble Bitch.

Right now I have the house all to myself, because my sister had to go to Tech. I think I might put on a good old gore movie or sexplotation film and sew some clothing. Maybe read these totally ridiculous Street Fighter books I found on the net.

I'll go out sometime, but right now I'm getting a feel for my new floors and new bed.

I'm now going to go attempt to surgically replace my nipples with wolf maws and eat some yogurt. I don't write very well unless I have to, and I don't have too.

Homesick as an Astronaut

I'm back in Bartlesville, and it's not how I thought it would be at all.

No one is answering there phones and the computer is fucked beyond all belief.

I need to go on the road some more, I hope that'll help.

But besides those disappointments today has been pretty good. I had a delicious omelette at Ziggie's in Springfield. Watched this totally trashy movie called Terror in Tiny Town, it's about midget cowboys, and was made in the 30's. I also watched Der Fuhrer's Face, nice anti-Nazi propaganda. After that we got on the road.

I've been listening to Conor Oberst's new album way too much.

Now I am where I am now, I hope to get gone soon.

Help me get my boots on...

Please, please, please sister Socrates, you always. answer with a question show some kindness to a petty thief.

Most of the trip back to the ville is complete.

Tomorrow I will continue with the rest of the journey and then I will be home.

It's been a good ride so far. We drove down through Illionois and stopped at this little, shitty Knights Inn in some random small town that no one's ever heard of. It was being remodeled and smelled of moth balls and dirt. Ate McDonald's for dinner; ten burgers, four chicken sandwiches and four fries. We also watched Smackdown, which I always do anyway. Went to sleep after some stand up, woke up to too much sunlight and donuts, then continued.

We switched cars across from a speedway in St. Louis.

Now, I'm sitting in an apartment getting ready to nap. I'll be back soon.

I hate everyone, fuck your God.

Leaving this place...

Now!

I'll be back to the town in a day or two.

See you then, unless you aren't in Bartlesville, then I'll see you sometime, or never... You know, whatever.Peace, nigs!

Back to My House... Trailer... Thing... Motha Fucker!

Tomorrow I will begin the arduously long journey back to my house... trailer... pre-fabricated thing.

I will then proceed to get crunk... yes, I said crunk. Then I will have a two o'clock in the morning walk, get into a fight with a homeless man, run from the police, and smash my head into a conveniently placed wall.

Yep, those are pretty much my plans.

I also have people to see, before the leave me... forever... I will probably go see them, and then I will do some other things, maybe hang out for a week or two, then I will leave, then come back, then leave again.

I have to shower in the morning, so I don't smell too bad. But there is no way I am going to condition my hair because I'm going to be in a car all day. I'll just put it up or something.

This post is really going nowhere...


Here's a picture of Pat Robertson flipping you off, focus your hatred on him while a escape through this plot hole.

Go Nagai, Mercilessly Beating Your Childhood...

After reading through a couple chapters of Devilman today, I felt I should pay respect to one of the greatest artists of all time, who actually influenced most of my drawings from the ages of four to about thirteen (I would post them if I had them, but they have been burned to conserve space for when I actually know how to draw.)

I should save my celebration and respects for his birthday, but that's a month away, and this is now.
I know I should give you a sample of his work, but if you don't know who Go Nagai is you should be bludgeoned to death with your own sexual organs. So, here's a photo of him, along with a guy with one of the best set of tits I have ever had the pleasure to see on a man... and trust me, with my chubby chasing ways I have seen a few good sets of man boobs.

Why don't you go pay some respect to him too, and maybe you'll actually have your childhood monstrously sodomized as I have had.

Now, I'm going to go watch anime porn in a bid to lose the rest of my self respect.

I Was A Korean Child in 1999.

I finally found the music video for the song of the year back in 1999. That's nine whole years ago.

It still feels fresh.



This used to be the best song ever! Still kind of is.

There's Nowhere That I Really Need to Be

I'm really ready to get back home.

I know it will make my dad sad when I leave, but I don't really know that many people here so most days are just fading into one another. Doing the same things over and over. Watching T.V., sleeping, playing videogames... Maybe sometimes I go to a theme park or the comic book store, but that's really all there is to break up the monotony.

This always seems to happen to me during the last week of being here.

I should probably read or something. I have a book I've been putting off for weeks now. Toru Okada is calling to me.


I can't wait to get back and hang out with my friends, until they leave, and then I leave.

Three more days.

Professor Layton and Your Mother's Semen Stained Sheets

This weekend, and today so far, have been all about the Nintendo DS. I'm obsessed with this little thing.

Yesterday alone I played a ton of Cooking Mama, Lost in Blue, Pokemon Diamond, New Super Mario Brothers, and Trauma Center.

This thing is going to be the start of my fat, pimple assed, geek days. Sitting in the back room at my mom's house playing World of Warcraft. (I certainly hope not.)

But the game that has taken up most of my time has been a little puzzle game called Professor Layton. I grant it the title of the best thing to make me want to kill myself with a sudoku book. It's so good, but some of those puzzles are hella-challenging (hella is the only word I can think of for that freaking rope and coin puzzle.)

I have just completed building a robot dog that I have no idea how to use yet.

I just going to hope playing this game to much doesn't give me an aneurysm.

So long sleep.

This morning I was woken up, along with everyone in the house by a call from Laurie's drunken sister... during my first actual sleep in months.

So, now I'm awake, and sort of pissed off.

I just found a stack of water bottles in the kitchen, I don't remember when that got here. I hope I don't have short term memory loss because I remember everything else that is kitchen, and I'm sure no one went out last night.

I think I'm going to play Street Fighter now...
Cammy has kicked ass since I first played as her... not to mention when she broke that guys neck in the first animated movie. Didn't Kylie Minogue play her in the feature film... who cares... that movie sucked.

I'm going to go Cannon Drill Bison now.

One more thing...

New Face Metal

Today I finally got around to getting my septum done, at a small shop with two chairs, one for tattoos and one for piercings, and the hilarity and awkward sensations ensued.

Waiting

Cleaning

Test One
Test Two
Needles In

Done

There are some odd things you may notice in these pictures. The first one being the testing of the two clamps, which was actually three, the reason is that I have a crooked septum, which I didn't know until today. Secondly, the any look the guy getting the tattoo gives in the first picture, it's secondary, that's why it's second. I think he's afraid of cameras. The last thing is the tool hand off in the last picture, a guys motorcycle broke down near the shop and he asked if the had any tools... that's why.

The tattoo artist likes milkshakes from Dairy Queen. The piercer is his son, he's a grizzled, kind of angry guy... he's hilarious.

I ended up getting a ten dollar discount from them because my dad goes in there to get work done a lot.

Thus ends the photo documentation of my newest piercing.

Childhood Murder Fantasies

There's something mysterious and terrible crawling up from the acrid, squid scented bowels of Japan. Mangaka with a great vision for what the world of surreal terror could really be. Be forewarned, this is not your typical nerd manga that you see the smelly kid with the four hundred pounds of fat and back acne reading in the back of the class. There are no teenage ninjas, magical girls, or giant robots here... these are real artists who truly know how to express their visions.

Tsutsui Tetsuya

Tsutomu Nihei

Takahashi Tsutomu

Taiyo Matsumoto
Shintaro Kago

Junji Ito
Iwaaki Hitoshi
Hideshi Hino
Furuya Usamaru

I am vengeance, I am the night... I am not Batman... Sadness.

I have always wanted to sit down and take the time to describe myself for people who don't know me very well, as well as the people who know me but don't really know as much about me as they think.

So, here it is, me... and all the little random facts that go along with me.

My name is Bryce Sealock but I illegally changed it to Bryce "Fetus" Jenkins in the ninth grade because I like the name Jenkins and I find fetuses incredibly interesting.

My favorite color is Army Green, you know the one that kind of looks like a bad shit, yeah, that one.

My favorite number is 6, even though I sometimes want to go to the typical teen goth answer of 13.

I have a big affinity for Teen Dramas which started when I used to watch Degrassi High School on PBS as a child.

If I could be an animal I would be an armadillo, because they look like battle ready puppy dogs in a way.

I love most creepy crawlies, such as roaches and snakes, but I have a deathly fear of bees. I used to very afraid of snakes but that all changed when the school janitor brought his snake into our class in the fourth grade.

If I could spend my life anywhere it would be on the island nation of Malta, because that place reminds me more of postcards than any other place on Earth.

Many people know this one, but anyways, I have a deathly phobia of mentally handicapped people, which dates back to when I was in third grade and one grabbed me while I was walking to the gym. Ever since then I can't be near one without having to stop, hyperventilate and cry.

My favorite book and movie have always been the same since I can remember, Requiem for a Dream. Which is depressing.

In the third grade I played the role of a reporter in a school play about baseball. The only other thing I remember is the lyrics to one of the songs which I think is called Peanuts and Popcorn.

My favorite foods and beverages are as follows: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Microwave Burritos, Pepsi, Thunderbird, and Pizza. Mainly typical teenage stuff.

I have been smoking since I was twelve. My favorite brand of cigarettes is Pall Mall which also happened to be the favorite of Kurt Vonnegut.

My favorite word in the entire English language is Eldritch.

Every time I get my picture taken I either have to be wearing sunglasses or making a weird face, because for the most part I hate having my picture taken. It really makes me mad when people snap a photo without asking.

I have had three people that I have considered my best friends in the world at one time or another: One now lives in Arizona and I haven't seen him since the seventh grade, one was when I lived in Germany because she had a sweet videogame collection, and my current best friend in the world has been my friend for almost eight years now... and she's a dirty freaking pervert... she knows she is.

I have a bad habit of falling for male friends that I think are really cool and might have a possibility of being gay or at least bi... this has landed me in some bad relationships over the years and I don't recommend it unless you know for a fact that it won't ruin your friendship.

I love to bee in the water, even though I can't swim... the feeling of it is amazingly refreshing, and I love how weightless I feel as I sink to the bottom.

If I could meet anyone who has died it would be Charles Bukowski, because his words always have amazed me. As for anyone alive, I think it would be Michael Cera, because I could see us being friends.

I am really a gigantic nerd at heart. I love videogames, anime and comic books. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of Batman and can name every single Kamen Rider in chronological order and also in the order of longest running to shortest... which I find cool.

My favorite type of movies are usually Japanese with over the top violence, bad make up effects, and hilariously bad story lines. I also am a fan of extreme horror movies, and lifetime films because they are so anti-men.

The first video game I remember playing was Street Fighter II.

In the tenth grade I got a Hindu marriage to my friend Cat.

I don't mind words like fag, this is mainly because my mouth is like a sewer... except with words instead of... turds.

My goal is to go on a road trip before college, to explore the country and hopefully get to know more about places that I can see myself living in the future.

I never want to have a house, I would prefer a loft.

I like art work by people I know more than any other.

I am devoted to my friends, but I try to pretend to be nonchalant and nihilistic so they don't know.

I still play every Pokemon game that comes out.

I'm going to miss all the people I know when I go off to college, the three o'clock in the morning walks with Molly, the late night philosophical and spiritual talks with Robbie, the vandalism with John, the geek sessions with Kirsten, the McDonald's days with Kelsey, the afternoon smoke break with Jenna, the video game talks with Joseph, the bitch sessions with Courtney, the chat sessions with Cat... All of them...

I Hope You Fucking Choke

So, today has been a rather annoying day.

I slept till five and ate pizza in the afternoon which was pretty cool.

But because of my headphones not working I was forced to listen to a conversation between my sister and someone I personally wish would have his mouth sewn shut and have his eyes jabbed out with hypodermic needles...

Now there's nothing on TV, I have no cigarettes, and I can't work up the commitment to read a book.

I won't be able to sleep until like eight in the morning... this night is going to be terrible... I want to whine about it.

Sometimes I just like to bitch about nothing... It just gives me a little joy when I haven't bitched in a while to just freak out about nothing.

Old Dreams

Watching the new Degrassi this morning got me to thinking, I've missed so many of my plans in life.

When I was in the beginnings of high school my best friend and I had this brilliant plan that we were going to move in together in a small apartment. Well, we did, but it wasn't exactly how I imagined it being in those days, in fact, it wasn't at all how I imagined it in those days.

In my imagination we lived in a nice, cozy, two bedroom, second floor apartment. We would eat breakfast in the morning before we both went off to our current day of classes; her music and drama, and my philosophy and art. After morning classes we'd meet up at a small cafe in the middle of downtown in what ever small city we lived in for some coffee and a bagel before heading off to the rest of our classes. Of course, after those we'd go to our little jobs, mine being in a bookstore. Then, at night, after a solid workload of classes and jobs, we'd sit down in at our living room table for homework, and talk endlessly about how our classes are going, the stress of the coming exams being mixed in with the stress of work, and other assorted details, before we went off to our rooms for sleep to start the day again.

In my head our apartment was always decorated to suit my tastes (after all it is my mind). In the living room was a nice comfortable couch and loveseat set in a nice plaid, flannel pattern (I love plaid... don't ask) with a medium sized wooden coffee table in the middle to tie the pieces together. There was a rug on the floor because we had hardwood floors so we had to protect them and there was a small cabinet upon which set a modest television.

The kitchen was filled with appliances, half we didn't know the use for, and there were a ton of coffee mugs because I love my coffee. The bedrooms were both very different yet both contained a desk on which sat our little nick-nacks, photos, and also our loptops, there were also full sized beds, dressers, a cabinet for a television to sit on, and a nightstand for our clocks so we can wake up on time.

I know this is all terrible heartwarming crap that could make you throw up, but that's always how I imagined it.

But none of that came true, in fact, I don't think any of my plans to move in with someone have ever worked out. I haven't even been able to move in with my Hindu wife.

I hope my plans do come true someday, hopefully with someone I love, and hopefully by then I have a man in my life that's not going to disappear.

Vintage Trash

At the current time it is literally the middle of the middle of the night. (Yes, I meant to have the two middles.)

My day full of non-adventure is slowly winding down. A full day of nothing but television and naps... isn't it delightful.

I found out that TNA is going to be in Lawton while I'm down there next month so I hope I can go and enjoy some sweet wrestling action, and get to see Christian Cage, my current man crush.

Even though I'm enjoying my stay here, I really can't wait to get back to Oklahoma and spend some time with the people I know and love... and hopefully find that some of the people I can't stand are gone.

Anyways, I'm now watching one of the trashiest, most exploitative Shaw Brothers films ever, Crippled Masters.
It's a great movie if you're a fan of kung-fu or trash cinema.

I want to date John Waters.

Gods and Monsters... are Dead.

This weekend has pretty much been one of the best of my life.

On Thursday, I went to Marty Holcomb's shop to check out some of his stuff. Saw some beautiful paintings and some awesome work that he had done on other people, but we decided to give it two weeks until I get my work put on.

I spent Friday seeing the new Batman movie, which was amazing. I also went to this really cool movie store that sold all these great movies for four dollars. I think I'll go back and pick up some films for my personal enjoyment.

Then there was yesterday, a day at the amusement park. My family and I went to King's Island and spent the day riding rides, fearing rides, paying too much for water and sunblock. I also got to go swimming, even though I can't swim... which doesn't make sense.

Resonate

I feel perfect right now.
Like I'm floating completely weightless.
Like I've stepped out of time completely.

I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat. I'm tired, but I don't need to sleep. I just feel like I don't really need anything.

For the first time, since I was very young, I feel normal in my own skin. It's like I'm meant to be the way I am right now forever. Just kind of suspended in a moment of time.

There's this daydream I have sometimes, when I'm sitting in the back of a car, on a long trip to where ever I am going. In the dream I just step out of the car, and when I do that I'm out of time, space, everything just... stops and it's just me there and everything else is insubstantial and intangible. That's really how I feel right now, like nothing in the world can affect me.

It's weird, because, even though I'm typing this right now, I don't really feel the keys under my fingers, or like I'm sitting in this chair, or like I'm even moving at all.

It's an odd yet calming feeling to have, to just be you and nothing else, if just for a few moments.

I miss everyone, I love everyone.

Horrors of the Deep

I just got through with a pretty one sided conversation about vaginas. One sided because it was mainly her talking about what vaginas do and me going eww, and other such synonyms.

She told me about discharge. Which is gross.
I also learned about mucus.
And other disgustingly sick things about those.

From my learning I have found that I'm more anti-vag than I ever was.

I personally think vaginas are really gross looking, smelling, they also offend my other senses.
They resemble cephalopods to me. Like Cthulhu's mouth.

They are obscene creatures of a beastial nature and I will not have them outside of there casings in my house. So, creatures of the female persuasion, don't bring those things anywhere near me, unless you hope that they will be thoroughly corked and band-aided.

Basically, this is what they look like:


















That's all I have to say.

Phantoms of Poets Thought Lost

Here's something some of my old friends will remember quite well, my shitty attempts at poetry. These are all the way back from tenth grade, when I was into death, scatology, and religious imagery. This shows my evolution from depressed Gothic poet, to depressed, alcoholic misogynist.

Sacrifice for Sacrifice

Massacre for Massacre
Sleeping in gutters,
Dig your face into the dirt
as we hide our heads in shame
from the Portrait of Ruin we paint with
Blood... Spit... and Shit
Come to end, oh, father War
So my may abandon our fortresses

Jihad, Our Messiah

Jihad! Jihad!
Begging pride for our life
Respect through violence
Jihad, Jihad!
Do you know the price for calling my name?
The bodies I will feast on
Fluids I will drink
Denying the children of the love they crave
Jihad, Jihad!
Birth of Famine
Our Faiths create you for they cannot coexist in this sphere
When one is left will you stay
Even when we beg?
Jihad! Jihad!

The Lord and The Lost

The Bride of Christ has cursed us
With the blight of promiscuity
In mind we are still golden eagles
In body we are crows
There is no room for God in the Kingdom of the Lost
As there is no room for us in the House of the Lord
Children of the Descent
Make your pulse felt under the cloth of damnation
Burn your lungs on the force of blasphemy
Lord, we've lost you.- Bryce "Fetus" Jenkins